I let go, to allow myself to be where I am at.

Let’s talk 2018. How many of you can say that 2018 is a year that you wish to go back to? I’m definitely not so keen to do so. Although 2018 plays a major part in my life because there was plenty of growth within myself, I also had to experience things I wished I hadn’t.

However, these experiences helped me grow and shape me into the person I am today even if it is baggage I wish to not carry forward. 2019 for me is a fresh start. An opportunity to be honest with myself and recognise the things that were weighing me down. I didn’t want to fall back into old habits and continue with dreams that lead to nowhere.

Physically, mentally and emotionally I was 100% ready to make a change, however first I needed to let go.

Firstly, it was my wardrobe and bad spending habits that needed reflection. For years I had been holding on to clothes that no longer suited my body shape. I’m not sure why because there was no way I will ever go back to a size 16-18…but for some reason I couldn’t let go of them. One afternoon, I received a text message from a friend of mine who asked if I wanted to go halves with her at a second hand clothing market stall, without thinking twice, I jumped at the opportunity and cleared my wardrobe.

Everything that no longer fitted me, that was not longer me and my style went into the market pile. Without realising it the market pile was huge and it became obvious why I kept feeling bad every time I looked inside my wardrobe.

In terms of money, this was also holding me back because I kept buying things for the sake of it and it was obviously money I didn’t need to waste. Instead I should have been selling my old stuff and utilising that money to buy new clothes. After all, my goal was to be able to feel happy and content with the clothing I had and to make the most out of my small wardrobe.

Mix, match, get creative, buy less, save more and create a peaceful space around me.

Next on my list was the people that drain me. This sounds like an easy thing to do but trust me it’s easier said than done. I don’t know about you but I sometimes I find social media a bit easier to deal with, than dealing with friends. 2018 brought me friends that taught me lessons but gosh they drained me.

One in particular was so needy that constantly needed my full attention and the other was so insecure that I was constantly lifting him up. At the end of the day, I felt I was keeping everyone else’s cup full but no one was filling mine. Acknowledging that was very hard for me and by the time I realised, there were feelings involved and I felt horrible to even think about ending those friendships, however I was only ever going to be as good as the people that I surrounded myself with. So I had to be brave enough to let go of those who kept weighing me down.

Next was to let life happen. Have you ever met anyone who has made plans and their plans have turned out? I’m yet to find one person who has achieved this. Besides why are we so obsessed about making plans and making sure that everything goes to plan? This for me was something I had to control and really put some effort into sorting out. I often found myself wondering about the what ifs? Or the what’s next? To the point where, if things didn’t go my way, I would go out of my way to try and control the situation so that they would go my way. How sad right? All that time and energy wasted on disappointments and frustration.

Giving myself space to allow things to happen the way they are meant to, was a huge step forward for me. I instantly felt better and also more relaxed. Amazing things happen when you least expect them and getting annoyed over the things that didn’t happen is such a waste of time.

Mindset- on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest how important do you think mindset is? How often have you allowed your mind to talk you out of things that perhaps you should have done but instead you felt fear, so you allowed your mind to talk you out of it? Your mind told you it wasn’t worth it or that perhaps you weren’t good enough and so you allowed that fear to set in and hold you back. Instead of allowing this, what you should have done is believe that you are capable of achieving anything that you set your mind to and that you should give it ago.

Mindset is such an important value to have and if you master the way you think, you will master a better and more positive way of living.

To be kind to ME. Self Care is not selfish! I know that being a mother means “pressure” and when I mean pressure I mean “criticism” I mean, do we understand how much pressure we put on others and ourselves when we are sharing pictures on social media of how perfect we and our families are? It’s so unrealistic to portray something that looks perfect on social media but we all know that it isn’t in real life. Let’s be honest, we all know that we desire more, I mean after all we are more than just being a parent or a partner.

I used to look at friends who went on holidays by themselves or with friends or parents who went shopping and spent money on a new wardrobe for themselves and think "how selfish". Then I realised that inside of me, I was feeling empty and wondered why. Yes, I had a beautiful partner and kids but something was missing… so guess what? I started doing the same. I started making time for girls lunches, I got up earlier and went for runs, I took my time applying my make-up, doing my hair, went to yoga and most importantly, I put restrictions to kids calling out “Mum, mum, mum” when I was in the toilet or shower. You will know what I mean if you’re a parent reading this. Let go of social expectations, deactivate and embrace self-care to the fullest because taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s a priority and it is necessary! 

2019 for me is all about being in the moment. Fully alive. Fully aware and so far I think I am doing pretty well.